Turkey "Parts"

Happy Belated Thanksgiving everyone!

It's Monday and that means that I've been sitting on something that happened last Tuesday, but since I wasn't sure that anyone would read my blog over the weekend, I decided to wait until Monday to post it to Wendy's Life is Funny carnival.  If you have something funny, or just want to read things funny, you should visit her.  She is pretty funny, too.  This is my favorite random post of hers, if you have a few minutes.  I also like Square Chickens too, for some reason.

So, the day before Thanksgiving, my son and I went over to my mom and dad's house to brine our Thanksgiving turkeys.  He's 8 now, and he's been asking lots of questions when I cook, so I decided to have him help me clean the turkeys and get them ready to go in the brine.  We were rinsing the first one off and I reached inside the bird, and pulled out the bag of "innards".  I showed him what was in the bag (he was quite taken by the assortment of random bird organs).

Then I flipped the bird over.

I said "Hey, Buddy, watch this." 

And then I proceeded to scar the kid for life.

I reached in to the turkey's back end and pulled out the neck. 

My son's eyes bulged out of his head like cartoon eyes.  And then he started laughing uncontrollably...In an 8 year old potty humor sort of way.

Then it hit me.

"Hey, Buddy, this isn't what you think it is."

"It's the neck, Bud.  The neck."

Then he says....."OOOOHHHHHHHH!!!"

I've been cooking turkey my entire adult life and the thought never occured to me that you pull this phallic looking thing out of the bird's behind before you cook it.

I apologize in advance for this picture.

He does have a point, though, if you look at it.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, everyone!

It was the neck.  The neck!

Love,
K

The Continuing Saga of the "Loaner" Cars...

Some of you may remember this.  About 4 months ago, someone hit my precious Honda in the parking garage at work and caused considerable damage to my baby.  The other guy's insurance company graciously offered to cover all of my expenses.  I thought they were the greatest insurance company in the world...until they gave me the world's ugliest loaner car (a fire engine red Chevrolet HHR with dark tinted windows).  We not-so-lovingly referred to it in our family, as the mob loaner car. 

My husband made fun of the car and even refused to ride in it.  Well, honey, karma's a bitch!

About 6 weeks ago, he was in a pretty bad car accident where he hit a wheel laying in the middle of the interstate while he was going 65 mph.  It was so bad that they had to shut down the interstate while they cleaned up all of the carnage.  (Just for the record, my husband was not hurt other than a few bumps and bruises.  He's completely fine now.)

Believe it or not, the truck was not totalled, although it cost almost $11,000 AND AN ENTIRE MONTH to fix it.  During this time, I mostly drove my mom's car when she didn't need it.  We finally got it back about a week and a half ago, and would you believe it shook to high heaven every time he got above 45 mph!  Around our neck of the woods, 45 mph doesn't get you anywhere anytime soon!

Before we sent it back to the dealer (on the recommendation of our insurance company), we asked an auto-body friend from church (who we should have taken the truck to in the first place) to look it over and give us a list of anything that needed to be fixed. 

This past Monday, hubs took the truck and the "list" back to the shop.  I told him I needed my car all week and that I thought the shop should give us a complementary rental car. 

They did.

Dearest honey.  Remember that time you laughed and mocked my mob loaner car?

Pay Backs!

Ladies and Gentlemen (if there are any who read my blog), I introduce you to the Nissan Versa.  What is that, you say?  Yeah.  My point exactly.

Now picture my 6 foot manly man of a husband in his "baby" loaner car.  It may not look like it in this picture, but I promise you this entire car is no bigger than my dad's lazy boy chair.  BWAHAHAHAH!!AHAHAHAH!!HAHAHAH

Love,
K

Nice Day for a Swim...

Today was such a beatiful day, so we decided to take the dogs for a swim at one of the local parks. 

Normal people take their dogs for walks at the park.  However, if there is water anywhere, these two mangy hounds are in it.  As soon as we let them off the leashes, they were over the hill and in the water.

The black one, Yoyo, loves to have sticks thrown for her.

She's a faster swimmer than Bear (the golden), so she beat him to the stick every single time.

Coming out for more sticks...

Bear was close to the stick this time, but Yoyo gave him a "what for". 

Look how he sits there and listens to her!  Although, it kind of looks like he thinks she's a bit crazy too.  I think my husband has looked at me like that a few times...hmmmm.

Bear decides to wander off a bit (out of harm's way).  Look at the way the sun is reflecting on the water.  Would you believe this was only a little after 1:00 in the afternoon? 

 After about 30 minutes of stick throwing and swimming around, Yoyo got tired and went and laid down in the leaves.  Bear, on the other hand, decided to sit in the middle of the lake.

Yes.  He's really just sitting there.

We're not sure why, but he pretty much sat there the entire rest of the time we were there.

Weird dog!

Since my fat cat is a jealous fat cat, I thought I'd leave you with a picture of how he spent his day...fat cat curled up on top of my blanket basket.

I hope you have a great and relaxing weekend!

Love,

K

I Love Fall

Seriously, I do.
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And yes, I realize that leaves are dying and the weather is going to get cold.

To me, fall means the holidays are coming (and I'm still a kid and look forward to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my Birthday - every year). Fall means the weather is getting colder (which is an absolute fabulous excuse to curl up with someone you love, a warm blanket, or a good book (or all of the above)).
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Here are some other things about fall that I love...

1. I love that my puppy will push the leaves into a pile so she can take an afternoon nap. Look how worn out she looks!




2. I love that my lazy fat cat will sit in the window for hours watching the leaves fall. Look at the gorgeous orange tree in the background. LOVE IT!



3. I love going pumpkin and apple picking with my family.


4. I love that little boys think they can do anything...like pulling a heavy pumpkin through a muddy field...uphill...


5. I love that little boys are not above admitting that they are tired and need a bit of help.

6. I love that big boys still love toys too. (Just for the record, I also love that my husband doesn't seem to mind too much that I blog about him.)

7. I love getting dressed up and visiting with our friends from around the community.

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8. I love the CUTE Halloween costumes...take Hansel and Gretel here, for example...

"Do you want some bread?"

"I'm done here."

"As in, really done here."

Daddy to the rescue...

Big C (a friendly pirate - with a sword) steps in to

help keep the little ones in place for a cute photo.

Finally.

9. I leave you with this. Aren't they precious?

And yes, before you ask, all of the photos were taken with my iphone (don't tell my digital camera that's now been collecting dust).

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Talk to you soon!

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Love, K

Boys...

Look at my little history bookworm...



A few weeks ago we went to Mays Lick in Kentucky. Every few weeks we try to take a family one tank trip somewhere. Mays Lick is the site of the last Revolutionary War battle in Kentucky. It was quite a blood bath. It's also about an hour from our home.

C had just finished reading a book on the Revolutionary War, so we decided to come and check it out. I took this picture with my iphone and LOVE it!

The picture reminds me of when we went to Hawaii and Pearl Harbor. Almost exactly 7 years to the day!



He still has those huge ears :).

So the other day I took C to get a costume for Halloween. I'd love to be one of those people that can pull the perfect costume out of my spare closet. But, I'm not. So we went to Halloween Express.

C hates to make decisions. So I told him he had only 10 minutes and if he couldn't make up his mind that I was going to choose the costume myself. We walked in and I secretly groaned. Rows and rows of costumes, people! Most of them disgusting scary stuff that I wouldn't ever let him wear, but it was there to confuse his decision making process!

He walked up and down each of the aisles and the looked at me and said...

"Mom, I've made a decision."

After I picked myself back up off the floor (we had been there less than 5 minutes), he announced...

"Mom, I'm going to be a pirate."

I told him that I thought that was a great choice (even though he's never shown any interest in Pirates of the Caribbean or anything else remotely pirate-ish). We paid for our "bounty" (I even had a coupon - Aunt Sharon is proud of me) and we left.

We got in the car and I asked him why he chose the pirate. He looked at me and said...

"Gosh Mom, it's got a sword, of course."

Of course! Silly mom.

Love, K

Some Explaining...

Hello Everyone -

I've been missing and I don't really know how to explain myself. I haven't posted in a little over a month. Some of you know what's been going on in my life, but most of you don't.

I was hoping to have a fun, witty way to explain myself because I didn't want to put up an "oh woe is me" post. The reality is? I've even been missing from Twitter too! I mean, you know your life is a bit confusing when you don't even tweet!

So, here is a long story, well...long...

First off, I am very active in my son's school. I am the President Elect of the PTO and was also in charge of the school's only major fundraiser of the year, our Fall Festival - aka the Hullabaloo. I was a little nervous at first to take this on, but I got to work with some of the most amazing women! We were an eclectic little group, but we put on a kick-butt festival!

For the first night, we decided to switch things up from previous years and have a pep rally to cheer our football team on! (Ft Thomas seriously loves their football, people). We invited the Cincinnati Bengals (would you believe 13 of them showed up) to sign autographs for our folks!!!! We had an DJ, dancing, and great food. In only 2 hours, we made a lot of money.

On Saturday, we returned to our traditional Fall Festival. It was the school's 30th Anniversary of this fun fund-raiser, so we went retro! Brought back some great stuff from year's past! All in all, we made about $5000 more than the PTO even hoped we would. It was a success!!

Warning, the story will take a turn here...

Unfortunately during all of this craziness, I lost my Uncle Denny (my mom's brother).

I really really struggled with this (and I can't believe I'm putting this in writing), but our actions have consequences....dire consequences. When your doctor tells you to stop smoking, lose some weight, stop drinking, get up off the couch....DO IT! For years, my uncle laughed at the doctors. The doctors said he would die early. And he did. I struggle to find it in my heart to forgive him. I really hate what he's done to my mother, my aunt, and my precious grandmother (who had already said goodbye to two of her children). I will get over this. Please don't judge me. Sometimes our families are the hardest people to love.

Also during all of this, my mom's cancer has returned. She has survived Breast Cancer twice now. Once in her early 40's and once about 5 years ago. The second time she had a double mastectomy. She has had many complications since then and many surgeries to fix these complications, but she was always my feisty, opinionated, beautiful mom.

The Breast Cancer has returned. Kind of questions your paradigms, huh? I always thought that with my family history, that at the first sign of breast cancer I will have a double mastectomy. Apparently, it's rare that cancer comes back after this surgery, but definitely not unheard of.

This time my mom is going through chemo. It's not the traditional harsh chemicals, but a hormone-based chemo. We were hoping for not a lot of side effects, however she's been quite sick to her stomach, very very sleepy, and now has a sinus/chest infection. I've been cooking for her and helping her with her exercises, and want nothing more than to have her healthy once more.

Her prognosis is good. Please pray for her.

She doesn't like to have her picture taken, and she'd get upset with me if I posted a less than attractive picture of her (trust me though, she's beautiful...and i'm not saying that because I look just like her). Here is my son honoring his Grandma as a Cancer Survivor at this past year's Relay for Life. I know that he will be doing the same thing next year.

Thanks for your time, I know this was long!

Love,
K

As Seen on TV...

I have been working with a new IT consultant at work. Of course, I wouldn't be me, if I didn't chat her up and get to know her a bit ;-)!
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One day we were chatting over lunch and we were talking about our favorite places to shop. She mentioned that she and her husband had a bad habit of buying things off of television infomercials. I asked if they go to the outlet stores, but she swears they buy them right off of television.

UPDATE: She now swears that you can buy all of this stuff at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. She doesn't want you to think she's weird and spends too much on shipping costs.
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Have you guys seen the Bender Ball? If you ask me, it looks painful! Either way, she says it doesn't work.

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And here's the Topsy Turvy Tomato planter. Apparently you buy this contraption for $10, but you have to pay extra for the soil and the tomato plant (I think it should come with it, but whatever). Then you hang it upside down on your patio. The whole idea is that it hangs upside down and the squirrels and deer can't get to your plants. Unless your my friend and you had to buy something to hang the planter from and your squirrels jump.

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UPDATE: She says that there are only 5 green tomatoes on the plant and she doesn't think they are ever going to turn green.

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Just for the record, Sham-wow's don't work like the commercials and she's not a fan of the "Tater Mitts"!

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So, I started thinking back to if I had ever bought anything from an infomercial. Before I had cable, I sat through many a Ron Popeil (remember him?) infomercial. My favorite was the spray on toupee. My hair is actually thick and curly, so I didn't buy this.

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But I did buy the food dehydrator!!!! I still have this beauty, even though I only use it these days to dry my herbs in the fall.
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And then I had a flashback. I saw this on television and I HAD TO HAVE IT!!! It was only $79.99, people!?!?!
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Doesn't it look like fun? I was convinced I was going to drop 50 pounds!

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You slip on these cute little booties over your gym shoes and it's like speed skating. You push from one side to the next. Like a graceful gazelle!

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Or, you get on it and you push to one side. The dog starts going crazy because she secretly knows your nuts and are going to break every bone in your leg. So, you go to lock her out of the room, but you forget to take off the cute little booties. Instead, you slide across the hard wood floors and hit your head on the corner of the door. You get the dog locked out of the room, you take the darn booties off, and you make sure your head isn't bleeding. You hear your dad in your head saying "buck up, soldier!" So you put the stupid booties back on and jump right back on. After all, this has to be like riding a bike. Heck, it's definitely safer than riding your bike.

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So, you assume the position. And...

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your foot, not so gracefully, smashes into the other side of this stupid contraption and you hear your ankle pop! After a trip to the emergency room, you're assured that this is a minor sprain (even though your ankle is 3 times the size and a lovely shade of purple and green).

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Yeah, so I never got on the thing again.

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Has anyone else had any "gotta have 'em" buys?!?!?!

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Love, K