It's Monday and time for Wendy's Life is Funny carnival. I've been needing a bit of lightheartedness, so I've been waiting all weekend for the fun to start.
My husband sent me these first two funnies and I've been saving them just for you :). Enjoy! Just for the record, I'm Baptist, so you can't yell at me.
Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.
The first little boy got up in class and said "Hi. My name is Benjamin and I'm Jewish. This is the Star of David."
The second little girl got up in class and said "Hi. My name is Mary and I'm Catholic. This is the cross."
The third little boy got up in class and said "Hi. My name is Tommy and I'm Baptist. This is a casserole."
Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members' private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... and left it there all night!
Potty Talk - Kelli-style
Reading Wendy's post today reminded me of one time when my son was 2. He was old enough to have impeccable speech, but young enough to still be in diapers. We were out to dinner with my family in a very nice Asian restaurant. Of course, my son had a dirty diaper and I needed to get it taken care of, pronto!
I swear to you this is the only time this ever happened to me, but I found myself with an empty diaper bag! HORRORS!!! What to do?!?! For a brief moment I considered whether or not the diaper was salvagable. Yeah, no. It wasn't :(.
I finally decided to just stick as many paper towels as I could down his pants and pray that he didn't have to "go" before I could get to the store. These paper towels weren't Bounty paper towels, mind you. These were the brown "crunchy" paper towels that probably cost $2.27 for a 6 month supply and are found in most restaurants. Either way, I didn't have a choice. I stacked up the paper towels and stuffed his little size 2T baby Gap jeans.
And of course, he didn't want me to carry him like a baby. He insisted on walking back to the table. He strutted across the restaurant floor with his little legs as far apart as they would go. He seriously looked like he had been riding a horse for 4 days straight. He got to our table that was in the middle of the restaurant and picked his bum (apparently a paper towel had gotten lodged in his nether-region). He then announced to everyone at the table (very loudly) that he had a "NACKIN UP IN DARE" (aka a "napkin up in there").
At least the people in my immediate vicinity were family and chuckled. The rest of the restaurant just stared at me like they were going to call 241-KIDS on me. Needless to say, we said our goodbyes and high-tailed it to the nearest store.
I started potty training him the next day.
That's all for now.
What's That Smell?
1 week ago