Thursday, July 30, 2009


So, I've already introduced you all to my pleasantly plump cat, Oliver.

Hi Oliver!

Disclaimer Again: He was really sitting like that, and he's not really that fat, although he is pretty chunky. This picture makes him look like a porker. So, don't call the SPCA on me.

I've told stories before of Oliver's water obsession. Case in point, here he is jumping in to my bubble bath.

Someone sent me this video today, and I practically broke a rib laughing. Let's just say I'm thrilled that Oliver doesn't have this obsession :)!


A Bad Day at Work...

I don't know if this is true or not. Either way, I hope your day is better than Rob's!

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won:

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment that sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now, this all sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This, of course, only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bottom started to feel a burning sensation. I pulled the hose out from my back, thinking that maybe the water was too hot, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it directly into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I had scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish, and all of its poisonous, stinging tentacles, into the crack of my bottom. I immediately informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my bottom was swollen shut.

The next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bottom. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?


May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!

Love, K

Monday, July 27, 2009

Life is Funny (or of the two)!

It's Monday and it's time for Wendy's Life is Funny carnival. I always try to think (really carefully, and sometimes too hard) about what I want to post....but then, this morning happened. I think this story is so ridiculous, it counts as funny.

By the way, I can't say I never complain about my hubs, because that would be a flat out lie. Again for the normal yada-yada disclaimer. Honey, I love you very much, although sometimes I just need to tell stories about you. Because that's what makes you, you.

Last night, my husband announced that he was going to take a vacation day this morning. Honestly, I never know when he's messing with me. He knows I work from home on Mondays and like to be by myself. I figured he was just messing with me.

He got out of bed at his normal hour (4:00 am). Don't ask why he gets up that early, because I don't know. What I do know, is that he goes to bed by 7:30 - 8:00 and I get to watch whatever kind of television I want. Trust me when I say we have very different TV-viewing habits!

A little before 6:00 he came into the bedroom and told me that he was going to run some errands (go to the hardware store, the paint store, get breakfast, whatever). I just stared at him, because I was half asleep and I honestly don't believe I even responded.

I got up at 6:30 and started to work. I always like to check my email while I'm making my morning tea and get that out of the way. I left the house a little before 8:00 this morning because I needed to drop my car off at the collision center and pick up my rental car for the next however many days.

I called my husband to tell him what I was up to, since I had a vague dream that he might have said something to me earlier. I called and left a voicemail for him on his cell phone since he didn't answer. I assumed he had gone to work and was just messing with me. So, I locked up the house and went on my merry way.

I took the car to the collision center and had to walk across the street to the rental car place. I waited in a nice long line for a Monday morning and as soon as I got up to the counter, I glanced at my blackberry (for work) and saw that I had 3 missed phone calls and a text message. At the same time, I heard my iphone (for personal) beep with a text. I read the messages and had to laugh out loud.

He was locked out of the house.

And for some reason, this was my issue.

Fact: He has told me before that he was going to take a vacation day, but ended up going to work.

Fact: He admitted that he heard his cell phone ring, but didn't answer it because he was talking to some guy from church while in the paint store.

Fact: He had the nerve to ask me, why I had not answered my phones when they rang (answer, they were on silent and I didn't hear, and the fact that I was dealing with Honda might have had something to do with it).

Fact: Normal people bring their house keys with them when they leave the house.

Fact: He's apparently not normal.

Fact: I had to take a dirty rental car, so I could come home and bail my husband out.

Fact: This is so ridiculous that somehow it's funny (although it didn't seem funny to me this morning).

Fact: He took me out for a nice lunch to thank me for coming home quickly.

Fact: He looked at me at lunch and said, "You're going to blog about this, aren't you?"

Fact: Yes. Life is funny :)

That's all for now.

Love, K

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Loss of a Dear Friend...

Some of you have asked if I was ok this week. I lost a dear friend on Sunday morning and have been not really myself.

Kenny was special.

I've never met anyone before who has had such zest for life. He was always happy to see everyone and exuded complete joy.

He was a brilliant musician. Every time I would see him, he would sing a goofy song from a Cheers episode (that I never actually saw). It's the one where Woody writes a song for his girlfriend, Kelly. It's a pretty silly song. The words go something like...Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...get the point?

Lastly, I've never seen anyone so in love with his wife before. Kenny was married for over 30 years, but he was more and more in love with his beautiful bride every time he saw her. I always told Kenny and his wife that I wanted to have a marriage just like theirs. They told me the secret was that God was the center of their marriage. What a testimony!

I leave you with a tribute that my Aunt wrote to our friend. Please visit her blog and tell her hi from me :)!

A Visit With Grammy

Love to all!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Life is Funny!

It's Monday and time for Wendy's Life is Funny carnival. I've been needing a bit of lightheartedness, so I've been waiting all weekend for the fun to start.

My husband sent me these first two funnies and I've been saving them just for you :). Enjoy! Just for the record, I'm Baptist, so you can't yell at me.

Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.
The first little boy got up in class and said "Hi. My name is Benjamin and I'm Jewish. This is the Star of David."
The second little girl got up in class and said "Hi. My name is Mary and I'm Catholic. This is the cross."
The third little boy got up in class and said "Hi. My name is Tommy and I'm Baptist. This is a casserole."

Church Gossip
Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members' private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... and left it there all night!

Potty Talk - Kelli-style
Reading Wendy's post today reminded me of one time when my son was 2. He was old enough to have impeccable speech, but young enough to still be in diapers. We were out to dinner with my family in a very nice Asian restaurant. Of course, my son had a dirty diaper and I needed to get it taken care of, pronto!

I swear to you this is the only time this ever happened to me, but I found myself with an empty diaper bag! HORRORS!!! What to do?!?! For a brief moment I considered whether or not the diaper was salvagable. Yeah, no. It wasn't :(.

I finally decided to just stick as many paper towels as I could down his pants and pray that he didn't have to "go" before I could get to the store. These paper towels weren't Bounty paper towels, mind you. These were the brown "crunchy" paper towels that probably cost $2.27 for a 6 month supply and are found in most restaurants. Either way, I didn't have a choice. I stacked up the paper towels and stuffed his little size 2T baby Gap jeans.

And of course, he didn't want me to carry him like a baby. He insisted on walking back to the table. He strutted across the restaurant floor with his little legs as far apart as they would go. He seriously looked like he had been riding a horse for 4 days straight. He got to our table that was in the middle of the restaurant and picked his bum (apparently a paper towel had gotten lodged in his nether-region). He then announced to everyone at the table (very loudly) that he had a "NACKIN UP IN DARE" (aka a "napkin up in there").

At least the people in my immediate vicinity were family and chuckled. The rest of the restaurant just stared at me like they were going to call 241-KIDS on me. Needless to say, we said our goodbyes and high-tailed it to the nearest store.

I started potty training him the next day.

That's all for now.

Love, K

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'm sad...

I'm sitting at my desk right now crying.

When I got to work this morning, my ex was waiting for me. To be clear, we really don't get along all that great. We talk and tolerate each other because we love our son very very much. I knew something was wrong because he has never done this before. He wanted to put down "our" dog, Magi (pronounced Maggie, but my ex could never spell).

To give you some background, I got married at 22. Other than college, I had never lived away from my parents. On top of that, I was moving to the big crime-ridden city of Cincinnati, from my parents home in Northern Kentucky. If you haven't figured out yet, I have been accused in the past of being dramatic. (Cincinnati is an absolutely lovely city and I enjoyed it the entire time I lived there). My husband at the time worked evenings. I was pretty confident that I was going to be raped or murdered, so I made him go get me a guard dog.

Turns out that this sweet guard dog picked him out at the pound (not the other way around). Magi came home to live with us in March of 1995. She was a sweet 2 month old puppy that our vet called a Heinz 57 dog (meaning 57 varieties of breeds). She had the body of a boxer with the head and coloring of a German Shepard. She had the disposition of a Golden Retriever and the funny herding habits of a Border Collie. Her funniest quirk was that she always had one ear up and one ear down. Noone could explain why, but it was cute. In short, she was an awesome dog.

Magi was 14 now and had stopped eating and was falling down alot. She couldn't get up or down the stairs. The vet had tried talking us out of putting her down about a year ago, but it was time now.

Magi girl, I miss you. But I know you are playing with Charlie and Linsi. I know you're bouncing around like you did when you were a puppy. I know you're not in pain any more. Rest in peace, sweet girl.

Love, K

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I've Been Missing...

So, I guess I have some 'splaining to do. I have been a bad blogger.
Fact: I had every intention of leaving my last post up for awhile, because it was so important to me.

Fact: I also had every intention of sharing every bit of my stay-cation with you as it unfolded.
Fact: What I didn't plan to happen was to get bronchitis (which I'm still convinced is something more exotic like the bird flu or swine flu).
Needless to say, I pumped myself with water and antibiotics, and spent the next six days in bed. On day 7, I had decided that I had had enough of the inside of my bedroom and that I wanted to go be sick somewhere else. I called up our favorite resort in Tennessee and they had a cabin in the mountains calling our name!
Even though it felt like I was breathing knives and jet fuel, I somehow managed to get my dog to the boarder, the cat to my mom's, and enough clothes for a 3 week trip together (although I was only going to be gone for 4 days).
Thursday morning, we got on the road. We were just south of Lexington, KY when this happened.

Yep - That's my new friend Mike from AAA fixing our flat tire.
I guess I left one small detail out of my story. And that is that my husband is on crutches right now with bad ankles. Don't ask me what's wrong with him, because we don't really know. It's something between Rheumatoid Arthritis and Gout, where his joints will swell up and get really painful. He also tends to get these attacks when it's time for me to go on vacation (which is a whole other blog post). Either way, my husband was not in any shape to fix the flat tire. Thank goodness, we just renewed our AAA membership. Just for the record, AAA responded within 20 minutes and had us back on the road in less than 40 minutes. So, renew your membership today!

Needless to say, we got to our haven. If you ever plan on going to the Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge area, don't! Stay in the village of Cobbly Nob village. It's about 20 minutes Southeast of Gatlinburg near the North Carolina border. It's close enough to Gatlinburg if you want to get dinner or visit the shops. It's also far enough away, so there isn't the traffic, light, and noise. Cobbly Nob is a secluded mountain cabin village and it's absolutely heavenly.

This was the view that I woke up to each morning. As we were in the Smoky Mountains, the clouds would roll out in the mornings and roll back in come sunset. These tree-covered mountains are simply beautiful and serene.

This is actually the mountain chapel that I got married in. Every time we come back here, my husband and I make sure to stop. It's absolutely gorgeous, quaint, and secluded.

We are both history buffs. We always try to visit historical landmarks, wherever we go. For this trip considering neither of us were 100%, we decided to visit Cade's Cove in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Cade's Cove is a stunning isolated valley that was settled in 1819 by John Oliver. The population grew to more than 700 before the government took it over for the park. There is an 11 mile car trail you can drive through to see this gorgeous place. Here is a panoramic view of the valley (courtesy of Wikipedia, considering I only had my iphone with me).

Religion played a huge part in the Cove. Most of the population was Baptist, although there was a small Methodist church we visited as well. Inside one of the primitive Baptist church's I found this bible. When I started flipping through, there were all kinds of handwritten notes of people requesting prayer. There were also notes from others saying that they had prayed for the needs. We added our own prayer request and prayed for the requests in this picture.

The mountain air did me "good". I started to feel much better. We spent the next 2 days doing some light hiking and explorin'. This was one of the gems we came across near Brierwood. We ate lunch here and played on the rocks and splashed in the water like a couple of kids. Doesn't that mountain water look refreshing?

Just to prove I was here, you can see my pretty OPI Pompeii Purple toes in the water :).

I promise to not be such a stranger any more.
Love, K